When You Don’t Feel Secure In Your Relationship

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Sad woman sitting on the floor with a glass of wine in hand - When You Don’t Feel Secure In Your Relationship

When you don’t feel secure in your relationship, the anxiety and stress can eat you up. If you are finding yourself worrying when you do not get a text back right away or if feeling anxious when you spend a few days apart, these are signs you feel insecure in your relationship.

Thankfully, you can do many things to help build a foundation of trust with your partner and improve your relationship. Below, we will show you what to do if you find yourself feeling insecure in your relationship.


Why Does it Happen?

Insecurities in relationships occur when there is a lack of communication of feelings between partners. This is especially true if there is a lack of trust between partners or there has been a breach of trust.

Little things like not communicating expectations about chores can lead to “keeping score” in a relationship, which can breed insecurity. Additionally, any history of broken trust between partners can compound feelings of insecurity.

Trust takes a lot of time to build and more time to rebuild after it has been broken. Therefore, giving yourself and your partner patience while you work on your relationship is important.


Should You Leave Your Partner Because of it?

Not unless there is no interest or effort from your partner to acknowledge or work on your relationship. Any relationship is a two-way street. If you communicate your insecurities to your partner and do not want to help repair that, they are not invested in the relationship.

A partner who wants to build a real, healthy relationship with you will hear your insecurities and be willing to put forth effort into making those fears go away.

If your partner tells you that you are overreacting or you are making something of nothing: that is gas lighting, and you should leave.


Can this Change?

Absolutely, it can change. But, if both partners are willing to hear the others’ needs and work on themselves and the relationship, you can build something beautiful together. Trust is hard. Especially today with so much pulling you in different directions.

Connecting with your partner is the key to building a better foundation and creating a space where you can make both of you feel more secure in your relationship. Plus, working on building trust in your relationship will bring you and your partner closer.


How to Talk About it With Your Partner?

The best way to talk to your partner about your insecurities is to be as open and honest as possible. It can be hard to open up, especially if you have been hurt in the past, but communicating your feelings is the first step to building a foundation of trust.

If you have trouble communicating with your partner, consider starting the conversation by telling them you have something important to talk about and setting a time to sit down together. It can also help to make notes about what you are feeling.

Remember, try to communicate as clearly as you can. Sometimes, just telling your partner that you feel upset and you are not sure why can help them to be more attentive and start the process of building up trust.


How Can You Work on it?

Working on your relationship to help each other feel secure and loved is a vital piece of any long-term relationship. In addition, you will find that practicing clear communication and working on little things together is a great way to bring you closer to your partner.

Some of the best ways to start fixing feelings of insecurity in a relationship are by setting aside time to be with each other with no distractions. This means getting a babysitter, turning off the TV, putting down cell phones, and focusing on each other.

Another great way to improve your security in your relationship is by looking inward and trying to communicate which behaviors make you feel insecure and what would make you feel heard, wanted, and loved.


Final Thoughts on Not Feeling Secure in a Relationship

It is not uncommon to have feelings of insecurity in a relationship. Whether it is the daily grind of hectic work schedules, not spending as much time together as you would like, or a feeling of broken trust, insecurity in your relationship can be all-consuming.

Thankfully, working on feelings of insecurity in a relationship is easy when both partners are willing to put in the effort.

Working on clearing communication, setting time aside to focus on each other, and building trust through little things every day can help build a strong relationship.

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