When He Tells You You’re Not The One

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Sad woman sitting and man looking back to her over the shoulder - When He Tells You You’re Not The One

Breakups can be devastating, especially when he tells you you’re not the one. If your partner tells you that you’re not the one for him, don’t try to argue. It can be hard to remain calm, but it’s best for everyone if you try to be understanding and respectful.

That doesn’t mean you can’t be hurt by being told you’re not the one. Breakups hurt, and giving yourself the space to be hurt is okay. Below, we’ll go over the best steps for getting through when he tells you you’re not the one for him.


How To Deal With it?

There are a lot of things you can do to deal with heartbreak like this. The best thing you can do is not to argue or try to win them back. It can be painful to let go of someone you love, but usually, if their decision is made, it’s done. Don’t waste your time trying to change it.

Try to remain calm at the moment and be polite and understanding. Arguing with someone who has made a decision like this is usually fruitless. Instead, give yourself the freedom to grieve and surround yourself with friends and family who care about you.


What Can You Learn From it?

Whenever a breakup happens, it causes a lot of self-doubts. Will I ever find love? Is there something wrong with me? Why didn’t they love me?

It’s best to avoid these kinds of thoughts if you can. Instead, seek the company of friends and family when you doubt yourself.

Any time a relationship ends, it is an opportunity to improve your standards going forward. If you saw behaviors in your relationship that you didn’t like and you want to avoid in your future relationships, set those standards.

Don’t look at a breakup as a failure. Instead, give yourself time to grieve the loss and try to find areas where you can improve yourself and your future relationships.


How Long Does it Take to Heal from it?

Most breakups take a few months to really heal from, especially if you’ve been together for a long time. The longer the relationship, the longer the recovery from heartbreak after it comes to an end.

Surrounding yourself with friends and family is a great way to overcome the hardest parts of a breakup. First, however, make sure that you are giving yourself the freedom to work through the grief of losing your relationship. This step is vital to prepare yourself for new relationships.

If you’re going through a divorce, the chances are your healing process will take much longer. This is because you were building a life with your partner, and everything has to change. Typically, it takes a year or more to overcome that kind of breakup.


Things You Need to Avoid Doing

If you are ever told that you’re not the one, there are some essential things to avoid.


  • Do not doubt yourself. Just because you’re not the one for them doesn’t mean you’re not the one for someone else.
  • Don’t try to win them back. Once a decision like this is made, it is usually a waste of time and energy to try to work on things.
  • Do not allow yourself to be a “therapist” for your ex. One of the worst things you can do during a breakup is to try and “be there” for your ex as you separate. This only complicates things.


As mentioned before, giving yourself the space to grieve is important. However, setting clear boundaries for yourself and your ex as you go through splitting up is key to helping yourself heal and move on.


How Should You React 

The best way to react when he tells you that you’re not the one is to try and remain calm. It can be hard to compose yourself in the midst of heartbreak, but it can help in the long run.


  • Keep the interaction short.
  • Don’t try to prove them wrong.
  • It’s okay to ask questions or ask them to work on things, but don’t press if they don’t want to answer. Sometimes people just don’t fit together.
  • Be polite.
  • Remove yourself from the area as soon as you can to give yourself the space to feel your feelings.


Final Thoughts on When He Tells You You’re Not the One

No one wants their relationships to fall apart, but sometimes people are just not a good fit for each other. The best thing you can do if your partner tells you you’re not the one is to be respectful of their feelings and decisions.

Do not take a breakup as a personal attack; just because you are not the right fit for one person doesn’t mean there’s not someone out there for you. Instead, surround yourself with a good support group and try to move on while giving yourself the space to grieve.

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