What does it mean to feel secure in a relationship?

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Man holding hand of his partner - What does it mean to feel secure in a relationship

To be in a healthy, secure relationship is to be comfortable with your partner. Comfortable enough to have a healthy attachment to your partner. Having a secure relationship ultimately offers both you and your partner support in all areas.

If you are in a secure relationship, you should feel a sense of comfort around your partner. You should not have to worry about their actions being unpredictable or inconsistent, especially regarding your mental stability. 


What are the Signs that you Feel Secure in a Relationship?

Some relationships can become very toxic over time. However, it’s often behaviors that will either make or break the security of your relationship. Listed below are a few signs that define a healthy, secure relationship.


  • You’re comfortable with each other and can easily open up.
  • You respect each other’s boundaries.
  • Excellent communication.
  • You feel valued by each other.
  • There’s a sense of individual social networks.
  • Taking responsibility for any wrongdoings and apologizing for them.


What if You do Not Feel Secure in a Relationship?

Due to the individual mental health status of your partner, you may find yourself not feeling secure in the relationship. This is why it is so important to heal yourself before jumping into a relationship with anyone else.

If you do not feel secure, there might be a chance that you procrastinate in important conversations with your partner about the quality of the relationship. When the relationship does not feel secure, you should always be open with your partner about how you’re feeling.

While we may not want to come to terms with it, there’s a chance that the relationship would be healthier or less draining if it were non-existent. Know the red flags for relationships and enforce strong boundaries if needed.


Can You Exercise Feeling Secure in a Relationship?

There are ways to practice to increase the feeling of a secure relationship. However, because a relationship takes more than one person to operate, it’s important that everyone involved in the relationship puts effort into these exercises. See the list below.


  • Have open communication with each other, and do not hide things from your partner.
  • Respect each other’s boundaries.
  • Maintain your independence.


Do You Need to Break Up if You Do Not Feel Secure in a Relationship?

Break-ups are hard. Especially after being together long-term, it’s always important to know when to call it quits. 

If you are not feeling secure in your relationship, there is always a reason for it. These reasons may be unique to everyone, but it’s important not to ignore them.

If the lack of security in the relationship is being caused by something seemingly minor, it may be a larger underlying issue that needs to be resolved. If this can be solved by communication, then surely you wouldn’t need to break up.

However, there are some red flags to look out for in your relationship. If any of these are recurring in your relationship, it might be time to walk away and move on. See the list below for red flags that need to be identified and addressed.


  • Gaslighting, belittling, and degrading you.
  • Backlash if you go out with friends or family without your partner.
  • Controlling behavior.
  • Narcissism and extreme emotional reactions.
  • Any kind of abuse, including emotional, mental, and physical.


Final Thoughts on Feeling Secure in a Relationship

Signs of a secure relationship include strong themes of respect, communication, and support. If you are not feeling secure in your relationship, you can always attempt a healthy conversation about it with your partner. If needed, couples therapy is also a valid option.

Practice open communication, respect each other’s boundaries, and maintain your individuality throughout the process to increase the secure state of the relationship. 

However, not having a secure relationship does not entirely mean there is a need to break up.

However, if you are experiencing any red flags (listed above), it might be time to consider walking away from the relationship. If it’s not healthy, it’s not worth staying in. If you are being abused and need help, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233. 


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