Your Fiancé’s Or Spouse’s Family is Toxic

Last Updated:

We may earn commissions for purchases made through links on our site. Learn more on our about us page.

Girl holding hands over her ear while a man and a woman having an argument behind her - Your Fiancé’s Or Spouse’s Family is Toxic.

There are some topics that, when brought up in a relationship, could potentially lead to quite a bit of tension. One of the biggest of these topics is family. It does not matter how close you and your partner are.

Any issues that come up have to do with the family and could, if done in the wrong way, cause a rift in the relationship.

Problems with the family or in-laws are one of those clichés that seem to permeate media and society. The truth is, though, this stereotypical trope is very real for some of us.

Therefore, when addressing issues like this, you want to make sure you use your words cautiously and make things very clear when you do.

Plenty of other tips could help you deal with your partner’s toxic family. However, if you are struggling with this conversation, this article is definitely for you.


What To Do When Your Partner Has a Toxic Family?

So what do you do when your partner’s family is toxic? After all, if you are with or plan to stay with this person, you don’t want to offend them, and you will inevitably spend a bunch of time with the family. So any issues have to be handled with delicacy.

Before dealing begins the process of addressing the issue, you have to be sure that you are dealing with a toxic family. Here are some signs that you are truly dealing with a toxic family:


  • There are always conflicts
  • Respect is not present, especially toward you
  • They insist they are the top priority
  • Bullying and abuse are part of your relationship with them


How Should You Tell Your Spouse His Family is Toxic?

So if you truly have a toxic family relationship, especially when dealing with your spouse’s or partner’s family, how do you go about having that conversation? After all, it can be very tense, as we’ve said, especially when dealing with close family relatives.

Of course, the first thing you have to do is make sure that you are ready to have the discussion and that they are also ready to have the discussion.

Once you’ve made the decision that it’s time, you can also follow these tips to help the conversation go much smoother and reduce the chance of causing friction with your partner:


  • make sure that the environment is calm and free of any distractions
  • set up boundaries for the conversation so that everyone feels comfortable 1987
  • Some people do not take responsibility for toxic relationships. This is simply a recount of what is going on
  • do not be cruel or disrespectful of their family
  • don’t overthink what you’re trying to say


Following these guidelines will allow you to really ensure that the conversation goes as smoothly as possible. But, of course, staying calm and not getting agitated or frustrated with your partner is also key.


How Should You Deal With Your Spouse’s Family?

So what do you do in regards to the actual relationship between you and your partner’s families when it is clear that there is friction between you? There are several things you can do.

The very first thing you have to do is take into account your partner’s feelings and put your relationship first.

Hopefully, in the process, they, too, will see that marriage is more important than friction with their families. Along with this, you can also:


  • make sure you set up healthy boundaries with the family
  • do not allow things to escalate into confrontation
  • remove all expectations and just go with the flow
  • remain calm no matter what is going on
  • try to steer clear of topics you know will start arguments
  • Stay true to who you are but be as respectful as possible


How Can You Fix a Relationship With Them?

If you’re truly in love with your partner and intent on keeping this relationship going, then dealing with the family is necessary.

Unfortunately, there’s no way to change these individuals, but you can take certain steps to help either heal the relationship or make it a little more tolerable.

The very first thing you need to do is have patience. Just like with any relationship, everybody in there has their own individual personality.

Unfortunately, meshing personalities isn’t always the easiest, so having patience and knowing that building a decent relationship with your partner’s family may take time can save you a lot of stress and anxiety.

Along with patience, respect is key. Whether you agree with them or think they’re toxic. Being respectful of your partner’s family can go a long way to helping build a stronger foundation and mend any cracks that have appeared in the relationship.

There are many different things you can do, but maybe the last most important is just to simply know that it’s going to take time and not over-exaggerate or get frustrated with the situation.

This could lead to unconstructive criticism, which eventually could cause friction in your relationship.


Should You Break Any Contact With Them?

Of course, there may be times when there is absolutely nothing you can do to fix the relationship. For example, sometimes there is so much family drama that these individuals can never truly accept an outsider or a newcomer.

Though that may be sad, trying to stick it out could potentially cause strain in your relationship and wind up causing a break.

If the situation is truly that dire, then breaking contact with the family may be a necessity. That being said, you should never cut communication off completely because this is your partner’s family, which is one of the most important connections anybody has.

But a break from them could be just what you and they both need to realize how toxic the relationship has become.


Final Thoughts on Fiancé’s Or Spouse’s Toxic Family 

It can be very stressful for you if you’re dealing with a partner’s family that is difficult and toxic. On top of that, it puts a lot of strain, and no matter if you’re just starting out or have been together for years, this can also put a toll on the relationship.

So understanding what you can do, how you can communicate to your partner what’s going on, and how you can deal with it could be just a thing you need to do to save your relationship in the long run.