Why Do We Need Reassurance In Relationships?

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Man holding woman in his arms near ocean - Why Do We Need Reassurance In Relationships?

When a new relationship starts, whether they’re romantic or platonic, there’s a lot of comfort and outward signs of affection. So whether that be a kind word or a gentle gesture, it is very comforting in those early times that you have this assurance.

But as relationships become more stable and consistent, these signs of assurance often begin to wane. This might be because each of you thinks the other one is aware of your feelings and they don’t need constant reminding of them.

The truth is, as human beings, there are always gonna be moments when reassurance is necessary. Maybe that’s because we’re starting to lack confidence in ourselves or because there have been situations that have made us question the relationship.

Why one needs reassurance in a relationship depends on the individual and the relationship itself. But in this quick article, we’re going to look at important information about the impact of the need for reassurance on relationships.


Is This Common?

At some point in every relationship, there are going to be moments of doubt or questions. This is where reassurance from your partners is so important.

Reassurance and the act of needing it reveals vulnerability which could lead to positive feelings, growth in a relationship, and validation.

It is a healthy thing to be able to express this need to the ones you love. This is especially true in those times when there is some doubt and a lack of confidence. Having some assurance in times like this is very important to the health of a relationship.

Words of comfort and validation can help improve your mental state and mood and reassure you that everything is fine in your relationship. However, if it’s something that is sought after all the time, then reassurance can become a problem that needs to be addressed.


Why Does it Happen?

As we said, everybody at some point in a relationship needs reassurance. It is a human need to feel validated and safe. For those that suffer from a constant need for reassurance, there are many reasons why this may happen.

The biggest of those is that there have been situations in their past that have caused them to doubt their self-worth, and that helped create trust issues. In other words, at some point in time, your heart has been broken by the manipulation or misdeeds of a partner.

That situation has made it, so it’s hard for you to trust the feelings and words of even someone that you love deeply.

Other reasons you may need reassurance and constant relationships are a lack of self-confidence and unhealthy attachment styles developed during childhood.


How Do You Stop it from Happening?

The good news is that past emotional baggage and attachment styles can all be adjusted with a little work.

Understanding and acknowledging the patterns that lead to your constant need for reassurance can allow you to develop a plan of attack to stop needing constant reassurance.

Here are some of the ways we suggest you can start trying to adjust your behaviors:


  • Often, the only way to overcome these unhealthy habits is to acknowledge them and sit with the feelings. Doing this allows you to acknowledge them and dive deep into the triggers behind those feelings.
  • Breathwork is key in a lot of anxiety and stress management techniques. It can also be helpful in this situation. That is because taking deep and slow breaths activates your Parasympathetic nervous system.


This system that’s directly responsible for calming the mind and body. This can allow you to really address your reasons for needing reassurance.


  • If you start to feel doubts or develop questions in your mind, instead of letting them run rampant, simply sit down and challenge them. A lot of the causes for your need for reassurance are developed from unrealistic and exaggerated feelings.


Questioning whether these thoughts and ideas are real, exaggerated, or imagined can help you stave off the need for your partner to reassure and validate you.


  • Coming up with mantras or trigger statements that allow you to reassure yourself can also help. It’s often better if you’re the one to reassure you because then it becomes a self-care technique and not a constant need for others to validate you.


How Long Does it Take to Stop Needing Reassurance?

You will never get completely rid of the need to be reassured by those who love you. However, you can reduce the occurrence of it by learning to validate yourself and identify when those needs are realistic.

So though it is something you can work on reducing, you’re never going to be completely rid of it. That being said, the dedication to utilizing the techniques and tips that we’ve given can help you speed along the process of becoming less needy.

Even with that, though, it is going to vary in the length of time it takes individuals. But, again, as you said, this has to do with the dedication of the individual working on the issue and the environment they choose.


Why is Constant Reassurance in a Relationship Bad for You?

In a relationship, it has to be given and taken as we’ve said before, there are going to be times in every relationship when reassurance is needed. But when it becomes a constant need, it can be a sign of a greater problem.

Not only could it mean you’re just unsure of the relationship, but mental health issues could be the cause. In a relationship, a constant need for reassurance can put a lot of stress on the partner and the relationship itself.

This is why learning how to reassure yourself and openly communicate with your partner is vital. In the end, if you constantly need reassurance, the other person may find it stressful, and that could eventually lead to the end of this relationship.


Final Thoughts on Why We Need Reassurance in Relationships

Needing to be validated or reassured is a human need, no matter how stable your relationship is. However, if it is constant, it can be overwhelming to both you and your partner.

There are many reasons why you may need this constant reassurance, from past traumas to an unhealthy attachment style, but neither of those two reasons nor any of the others is permanent.

With hard work and dedication, you can find ways to overcome the need for reassurance, and this, in turn, can help build a stronger and more stable relationship.