Why Do I Feel Abandoned When My Boyfriend Leaves?

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Worried woman sitting near a window - Why Do I Feel Abandoned When My Boyfriend Leaves?

Time apart from your significant other can be both very healthy And necessary. That doesn’t mean that it doesn’t fill you with things when you’re separated from them. You may feel anxious, angry, or even abandoned when your boyfriend goes out or leaves you alone.

There are a lot of reasons why you might feel abandoned when your boyfriend leaves you. Most of them are due to a bit of separation anxiety. This can be brought on by the child you have formed, stress, relationship issues, and simple codependence.

Feeling this way can be exhausting and make you even more anxious than the situation itself. 

However, by understanding your feelings and the triggers that cause them, you may be able to alleviate them and, in the process, make your relationship that much better. That’s why we thought we’d take a deep dive into the topic to help you with these feelings.


How Common Is This?

When it comes to the commonality of feeling abandoned when your boyfriend leaves, it is more common than one might think. There are a lot of factors that play into this role, and the biggest of those is object constancy.

This is the occurrence when you are used to having something present or taking place, and when it’s absent, it creates stress and anxiety. This can cause a lot of different things besides fear of abandonment. It also can bring on anxiety and stress. 

Though it is not uncommon, it is a sign that there may be some issues in the relationship you need to address before moving to something more committed. So understanding what can trigger these feelings is vitally important.


What Does It Mean?

As we said above, feeling abandoned when your boyfriend leaves may simply be because you’re missing something that is typically there. 

But there are so many other things to look at to determine what it means for you and your relationship. One of the biggest things to dive into is the mental health aspect of these abandonment issues.

It could mean that you suffer from one of these factors:


  • You may suffer from attachment issues that were brought on by past relationships or your childhood. In other words, you may have an anxious attachment style that creates consistent worry about your partner leaving you or finding it hard to spend time alone.
  • Change is inevitable in life. But most of us don’t handle it very well. Loss or changes can bring on anxiety which could, in turn, create a sense of abandonment when you are left on your own. 
  • Feeling abandoned may also be spurred on by issues within your relationship. It could be because there’s been some rejection within the relationship, or even cultural factors can play a part in this.
  • You may have a codependent nature. This is where you look at the other person’s needs more than your own. You do this so much that when they’re gone, you are left unsure of how to handle yourself.


How Can You Help Yourself?

Even if the reason behind your feelings of abandonment comes from past trauma and is spurred on by triggers, there are still ways you can help yourself through this. 

After all, a good relationship requires you to have time for yourself. So if you’re looking for ways that you can help yourself through these feelings, here are a few suggestions:


  • Create some guidelines for yourself on how often you can reach out to your partner when you are not together. This can be very hard, but it can be a great sign for your relationship as long as you stay focused and are patient with yourself.
  • Create routines that keep your mind off of the fact that your boyfriend is not currently by your side. This can be as simple as taking a yoga class or something as difficult as maybe learning a new hobby.
  • If you have good communication with your partner, then discussing how you feel could be a viable option. Sometimes simply saying you’re feeling validation from your partner that they understand can help you work through these issues.
  • Try to understand that a good relationship means you have to have not only a good relationship with your partner but with yourself. You need to focus on your needs just as much as you focus on your boyfriends.
  • In the end, one of the best ways that you can help yourself is by understanding that you can’t be with someone 24/7. That means that you need to figure out ways to get used to being separated, and this can be done by removing yourself from them little by little for longer periods.


Things That Will Make You Feel Better

In the end, what will make you feel better is a preferential thing. There are a lot of different techniques, as we discussed above, but no matter what technique you use, it needs to be something that’s customized to your feelings and needs.

For instance, if you’re looking into self-care and self-love, maybe you want to go get a massage. 

Taking care of your needs in that way may help you work through abandonment issues no matter what you choose though it needs to be something that fills you with joy and gives you a sense of calm to combat your abandonment feelings.


How to Grow Emotionally

One of the best things you do to combat your abandonment issues when your boyfriend leaves is to learn how to grow emotionally. 

It takes a lot of focus and work, period, but if you’re patient and dedicated to it, you may find that you are not only going to grow, but your relationship will also strengthen. Here are a few tips on how to grow emotionally:


  • Acknowledge your needs or your responsibility
  • Find resources that can help you
  • Your feelings are your responsibility
  • Know that your feelings are valid
  • Accept your partner for who they are
  • Reach out for professional help


Final Thoughts on  Why Do You Feel Abandoned When My Boyfriend Leaves

Having time to yourself and away from your partner is a healthy thing. This allows you to build a relationship with yourself, strengthening your relationship with your boyfriend.  

But it is quite common to have a sense of abandonment when someone leaves, especially if you have past relationship traumas. It doesn’t have to be a permanent issue, though, as long as you acknowledge it and take steps to address it.