Why Am I Not Secure In My Relationship?

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Man and woman sitting on a bench looking opposite to each other - Why Am I Not Secure In My Relationship?

Insecurity is something that we all feel at one point or another. However, no matter how confident you are, there are certain situations where insecurities creep in, and one of the biggest of those is in your relationships.

But why do these insecurities crop up if you choose the person you love and you’re with someone you get along with?

Insecurities can be brought on by a lot of different things, from situations that have occurred within the relationship to precast traumatic stress responses. The insecurity may not even have anything to do with the current relationship.

To combat your insecurities and address them, you have to understand where they come from and how you should handle them. So we hope that by taking a look at just these questions, we were able to help you with your relationship insecurities.


Where Does This Feeling Come From?

If you’ve been feeling insecure in your relationship, then you probably have been anxiously mulling over where this comes from. After all, if there’s been nothing within the relationship to make you feel insecure about it, why do you have these feelings?

The truth is there is a wealth of different sources that could potentially be triggering your insecurity, especially in an intimate relationship. Here are a few of the biggest can herald insecurities:


  • Infidelity
  • Past Trauma
  • Distance
  • The newness of the relationship
  • Dynamics
  • Image Issues
  • Mental Health Issues


What Can You Do About It?

The very first thing you have to do when looking at your insecurities is to dive deep into deciding whether the insecurities are valid or all in your mind. This means you have to take responsibility for those feelings and find ways to manage them maturely.

This doesn’t mean stuffing your emotions away and considering them trivial. Instead, this means figuring out ways to address and adjust them accordingly so that you can release your anxiety and have a more fruitful relationship.

There are many different ways to do this. One of the biggest beings seek professional help from a relationship counselor or a psychiatrist. But there are other things you can do to overcome these insecurities:


  • One of the best things to do is focus on communication. This is both with yourself and with your partner. By discussing your insecurities and what you are feeling, you may alleviate some of those concerns poking at the insecurities.
  • Try to be objective when you’re looking at your overall relationship. Think about what these insecurities are about and where they come from, whether it be within the relationship or past traumas.
  • Really dive into self-reflection. A lot of times, insecurities have more to do with yourself than your partner. So by addressing it and becoming more self-aware, you may be able to alleviate these insecurities.
  • Whenever you start feeling insecure, it’s always best to practice a little self-love. You can’t have a good relationship with someone else unless you have a good relationship with yourself. This can look like journaling or meditation. It’s whatever is comfortable for you, but by taking care of yourself, you will then be able to address any of these issues in a healthy manner.


Should You Talk to Your Partner About it?

When it comes to insecurities, communication can be key. This, as we said, includes communication with your partner before you discuss your insecurities with them though you have to feel comfortable enough to do so.

If you don’t feel like you have a safe space to have those conversations, this in and of itself may be a problem within the relationship.

However, for those who are a little less confrontational and are worried about expressing insecurities causing a confrontation, it may spur on more anxiety and stress.

So find a way to have those conversations in an environment where you’re comfortable entering as calmly as possible.

But in the end, you should talk with your partner because the insecurities you have may have no foundation in their actions, and they may be able to help you relieve some of them.


Is it Your or Your Partner’s Fault?

Placing blame regarding insecurities could be more detrimental than just having a conversation about them. There are situations where actions and attitudes could trigger insecurities.

Most of the time, though, the insecurities are directly correlated with past traumas and the way we developed as relationships became more intimate. Therefore, placing blame on the other person for your insecurities is not a healthy way to address them.

Of course, if actions and attitudes have caused your insecurities, your partner may not even know that they are triggering your insecurities. This is why communication is so key.


Should You Break Up if You Can’t Fix it?

Breaking up a relationship is traumatic in and of itself. So taking this step should be well thought out and considered and only executed after you have done everything you can burn to address the insecurities.

It should never be your first choice unless, of course, you’re in a toxic relationship. In the end, whether you decide to break up due to your insecurities is really up to you and how you feel about the situation.

If you feel there is no way that anything is ever gonna change and your insecurities just continue to get worse and worse, then this may be a course of action that should be considered.


Final Thoughts on Why Are You Not Secure In a Relationship

In the end, why you don’t feel secure in your relationship is really an issue that needs to be addressed and addressed maturely and effectively.

There are plenty of reasons why your insecurities are being triggered, and most of the time, it has nothing to do with your partner. In the end, communication is the best way to address this issue.