Why Am I Always Overthinking My Relationship?

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Woman thinking about something leaning on her car window - Why Am I Always Overthinking My Relationship?

Overthinking and anything is never productive. Sure thinking hard on things and mulling things over can be beneficial in some aspects, but overthinking means that you’re dwelling on something, and that means that you don’t see the forest of the trees quite often.

One of the worst places to do that is in a relationship. If you find yourself always overthinking, you may be dealing with insecurities.

These insecurities can be brought on by things that have happened in the relationship currently or through past traumas in your childhood and past relationships. He’s caused trauma responses that activate whenever you find situations similar to the previous traumas.

But overthinking leads to a lot of issues within a relationship. So understanding why you already are and how you can address these issues may be beneficial to not only your mental health but the health of your relationship.


Why Does it Happen?

The chief reason for someone to overthink is simply their internal insecurities. These insecurities can stem from a lot of different places, including:


  • Childhood trauma
  • past relationships
  • image issues
  • mental health issues
  • issues within the relationship


All of these can spur on insecurities. For instance, if you’re someone who has not been in a healthy relationship and has only dealt with toxic or traumatic relationships in the past when you realize that you have found a good relationship, you may begin to stress over losing it.

This insecurity is in direct response to the relationship itself, and you may find yourself beginning to overthink, and this could potentially be a way for you to sabotage your happiness.

This is just one example of a white who might spur on a classic session of overthinking.


Is This Common?

Overthinking is very common. It’s our body’s response to stressful situations that we either are truly in or have concocted. For example, oftentimes, we overthink when we’re worried about the future.

Or concerned with our partners learning about our past. In other words, overthinking is spurred on by anxiety and stress.

Naturally, the last thing you want to do is be unhappy, and so as you start to see things that trigger your trauma responses, you begin to almost imagine the worst-case scenario possible.

Overthinking can lead to quite a few issues, not only with the relationship but with your mental health. So diving into the sources of where these insecurities come that are spurring your overthinking can help you navigate them and learn to overcome them.


Does it Mean You Have Trust Issues?

Many people would think overthinking leads directly to trust issues. But these issues are not necessarily about trusting the other person or yourself but rather your circumstances. The true answer is that it just means that you have traumas you haven’t addressed.

Of course, the insecurities could have to do with trust, and then that is a completely different issue that needs to be addressed. But, by developing trust in your feelings, the relationship, and the path that’s on, you will be able to combat your inclination to overthink.

So does it mean that you have trust issues in a way, yes, and in a way, no? The trust is not necessarily not there, but it is fragile because of past traumas.


Can Overthinking Destroy a Relationship?

Thought that I analyze and think about your relationship is not necessarily detrimental to it. But when it becomes obsessive and based on insecurities, it could drive a wedge between you and your partner.

This is especially true if there is a lack of communication. To preserve your relationship, discussing these insecurities and how you feel is vital. If you don’t think you can, then perhaps seeking help from a professional might be a good option.

In the end, though, if you don’t feel that you can have those discussions with your partner, then that is a whole different issue that needs to be addressed for this relationship to work.


How Can You Control it?

Overthinking can cause a lot of extra stress and anxiety that you don’t need.

This stress and anxiety can affect not only your relationship with your mental health but are reset above, so figuring out ways to control that may be a ticket to ensuring your ultimate happiness both with yourself and with your relationship.

Here are a few ideas that might be able to help you control it:


  • Becoming aware of what is triggering your overthinking is the first step. You have to understand your emotions and how they feel within your body. What is triggering you is key to understanding when it comes to controlling it.
  • Really working on your ability to trust in your partner and this situation is critical. Your trauma responses may be directly correlated to your chest, so you must communicate and build that trust.
  • As we said, communication is key. One of the best ways to combat over-thinking is to address the issues at the moment with your partner.
  • Try to create positive habits. Whenever you begin to overthink, try to have trigger activity. For instance, if you start to overthink, maybe go for a walk. Or listen to happy music and dance. This will create a habit in your brain and allow you to have an outlet to remove your thoughts from the issues at hand.
  • Many mindfulness practitioners and therapists alike suggest journaling. There is something about getting your thoughts out on the paper that almost clears up any confusion. It also allows you to keep track of the triggers and how you’re feeling, and this can, in turn, help you overcome your overthinking.


Final Thoughts on Why Am I Always Overthinking My Relationship

Overthinking is something everyone does. However, maybe some do it more than others, especially those that have had traumatic pasts or experiences that have left responses and triggers that they have to deal with.

But overthinking in a relationship because of these past traumas could potentially hurt your mental health and the health of the relationship. So finding ways to overcome your inclination to overthink is crucial.