When You Feel Secure In A Relationship

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Woman leaning on the shoulder of a man sitting with her - When You Feel Secure In A Relationship.

Security in relationships ultimately means many different things. It could mean excellent communication, feeling valued, respecting boundaries and responsibility, as well as simply feeling comfortable.

A healthy, secure relationship with someone would be the best relationship you’ll have. So what does security in a relationship look like? How do you know you are secure? What happens if you lose that feeling?

How can we keep it in the first place? Should you break up if the relationship does not feel secure anymore? Let’s discuss everything you need to know about secure relationships.


What Does it Look Like?

A secure relationship will look like a nearly perfect relationship, and while nothing’s perfect, there are still some baseline standards that secure relationships carry. Of course, the biggest trait of a secure relationship is that both people feel secure in themselves.

This means both people have their own friendships or financial independence. Security in relationships means not that you have your partner wrapped around your finger but have yourself secure instead. Security will also mean you both have a lot of trust in each other.


How Can You Know that you are Secure in a Relationship?

Some relationships carry toxic traits from the beginning or even over time. Toxic traits or tendencies tend to make the relationship feel a lot less secure, resulting in not only breakups but trauma.

With this being said, it’s always good to do a checkup when things are feeling off, even if you’ve been together for years.

Listed below are some relationship traits or characteristics that can help you recognize if your relationship is secure.

Find your relationship to carry unhealthy traits or characteristics that are polar-opposite to those listed below. It may be time to consider leaving or attempting to heal the relationship.


  • Both parties take responsibility for wrongdoings and openly apologize for them.
  • Both parties feel valued by each other.
  • Both parties have individual social networks.
  • Both parties maintain their own independence.


How to Keep that Feeling?

The truth is you cannot control anyone else’s actions but your own. With this being said, it’s important to ensure that all your interactions with your partner are healthy, accepting, and not toxic or controlling.

Ensuring that you can behave will keep the secure feeling around. Being open with your partner about how it’s important to you that the relationship is to feel secure will likely keep that secure feeling.

However, what happens if the relationship fails to be maintained in healthy ways? What if we lose that feeling of security?


What if you Lose that Feeling?

Another truth we all must face at some point in time is that not everything lasts forever. Everything in our lives is temporary.

It’s okay to lose the feeling of security in your relationship, as hard as it might be. It’s grateful to have ever been in a secure relationship to know what it’s like.

While knowing what it’s like to be in a healthy relationship, it’s also essential to know when it’s time to walk away from an unhealthy relationship. Does not being in a secure relationship really mean you need to break up?


Should you break up if you don’t feel secure anymore?

Being in a secure relationship is surely one of the healthiest relationships to be in. However, aside from toxic relationships, you can be in a relationship that is not technically a ‘secure’ relationship.

So if you are not feeling secure anymore, and want to be, don’t end things just yet. Instead of calling it quits, simply have a deep conversation with your partner.

Tell them how you are feeling now and how you want to feel. Be open to outside advice from a couples therapist, and after exercising all your options – if things are still not secure, it would then be time to go your separate ways.


Final Thoughts on Feeling Secure in a Relationship

Things could be near perfect when you feel like you are in a secure relationship. Secure relationships offer big and small boundaries and complete independence to both parties.

However, to keep that security in your relationship, be sure to keep yourself open to your and your partner’s constructive criticism.

If you lose the feeling, it does not mean you need to end things. Instead, have deep, productive conversations with your partner about the security of the relationship and discover ways you can improve.

Be open to couples therapy; if you’ve tried everything and are still not satisfied, it may be time to go your own ways.