Being in a relationship is hard work, especially when you get money involved. Once you’ve decided to move in together, figuring out the financial responsibilities is arguably the most critical conversation topic.
If you and your girlfriend have been living together and she isn’t helping you pay the bills, it may be time to bring her aside and talk. Communication is vital for every relationship, so just remember to keep calm and devise a plan.
How Should I Ask for Help?
The first thing you should do is bring up the fact that you’re worried about finances. Tell her that bills are stacking up and you need help to keep things running smoothly. It’s good that you’re asking. Don’t try to do things on your own.
If the two of you are planning to be together in the long run, it’s essential to establish what the expectations are in the relationship. She’ll make that known during this conversation if she expects you to pay for everything.
How Do You Discuss the Issue?
Discussing finances can feel like it’s the end of romance and the start of reality, but you must talk about it anyway. Come about the conversation calmly and decide on a budget together. If she wants to go on more expensive dates, split the bill.
Finances don’t have to be a difficult conversation if you’re willing to compromise. If you’re not willing to split things, that’s where it gets complicated. Remember that if she must be willing to compromise, so do you. It’s easier to decide on joint solutions.
Should You Break Up Because of it?
It depends on how you’re feeling about your relationship. If you’ve tried talking to her about coming up with a budget and splitting finances, and she still won’t help, then it might be time to let the relationship go. That all depends on if you feel like she’s not worth it.
If you’ve had the conversation and you find that she cannot help you with finances, then maybe you can have her help in other ways, like doing more around the house. You could also help her get a better job or move to a cheaper place.
Possible Reasons Why She Does Not Help You
She makes less money
If you work as a lawyer and your girlfriend is a sales associate, then there are significant gaps between your wage and hers. If you notice that she makes significantly less than you, that could be a big reason she doesn’t help you with money.
She’s a student and has other expenses
College students have a lot of school expenses to pay. Some get financial aid, and some do not. For those who work while going to college, a lot of their money goes toward school.
She could also have a car payment. That, combined with school, means her money is already spoken for.
You don’t live together
If you’re not living together, then she might not be seeing finances as an important part of the relationship. If all of your money goes toward bills such as electricity, water, and rent, it’s okay to ask for help paying for dates.
She’s stuck in her mindset
Some people are still raised with the mindset that men always pay for dates. In today’s society, there’s a big push for men and women to be considered equal. If she wants someone who pays for everything and you’re not that person, it’s time to move on.
She doesn’t want to, or she’s leaving you
One of the reasons she’s not helping is that she could be ready to leave you. This is more likely, especially if she was helping and suddenly stopped. If you’re seeing red flags like this, then it’s time for a serious conversation.
Is There Something You Should Avoid Saying?
You should avoid starting the conversation while angry. Don’t attack her for not helping you with finances, especially if you haven’t brought it up before. The most important thing is to figure these issues out before it gets to the point where you’re angry about them.
Also, don’t compare your relationship to other relationships you’ve seen. If your friend’s girlfriend helps pay for everything, it’s not fair to throw it in your girlfriend’s face. You can’t expect her to have changed if she didn’t know it was bothering you.
Final Thoughts on Girlfriend Not Helping You Financially
Finances can feel like the end of romance in your relationship, but they’re a necessary conversation to have. For example, if you’re living with your girlfriend and she isn’t helping you with money, then talk to her about not being able to afford all the bills on your own.
Communication is vital in relationships, but it’s important not to attack her for not knowing it’s bothering you. She could not be helping because she knows that you make a lot more money than her, or maybe her money is going toward her expenses.
If you’ve talked to her and she still doesn’t want to help pay, see if she’ll do more around the house or maybe move somewhere cheaper. If all that doesn’t seem worth it to you, then perhaps it’s time to end the relationship and move on.