Relationships can be very challenging because all layers must be considered. Though some people may consider needing validation from your partner a red flag, it is a natural human condition to want to be understood and heard.
However, when it becomes a consistent issue, it could become a detriment to your relationship. So why do you need that constant validation? Validation is when your partner makes you feel heard.
This can alleviate some of your fears and anxiety when it comes to the overall relationship. When it isn’t present, you may feel that you argue more and feel as if you are always on the precipice of losing the relationship.
Understanding what causes your constant need for validation and ways that you can combat it may be the ticket to revitalizing your relationship.
At the very least, it’ll give you a sense of calm and readiness, and that, in turn, will help your relationship so let’s take a look at just those in the hopes that we can help you create a more balanced and healthy relationship.
Why Does it Happen?
Being validated is not necessarily a bad thing, period, though when it becomes the sole basis of everything you do in a relationship, it can bring with it anxiety and stress that fractures the relationship.
The truth is there are many reasons why you may seek validation in your relationships consistently. Many of us struggle with this because of our childhood.
Too little or too much validation from people in our lives, like our parents and our teachers, may have caused us unhealthy attachment styles. These unhealthy attachment styles may affect how we can handle our emotions and even towards other people.
It might be shocking to know that too much validation could be just as bad as too little. Overvaluation from habits of expecting that from people in our lives. It creates a sense of entitlement that is hard to break once we become adults.
In other words, too much validation could almost have you to form narcissistic personality traits making it difficult to have a healthy relationship.
How Can You Stop it?
Understanding why you constantly seek validation is just the first step to maintaining healthy relationships, whether that be romantic or platonic. Next, you need to address the issue so that you’re not always relying on other people to feel good.
To do this, there are a few things that we suggest you consider doing daily (if the problem is severe enough, these should be accompanied by help from a professional) :
- When you notice that you are constantly seeking validation, you take a deep dive into the root causes of that. That often means that you need to take a look at your childhood.
Really sit with your feelings, look at your past, and ask yourself questions like, did you feel invisible when you were young? Doing this will allow you to identify the triggers and potentially come up with ways to handle them.
- Sometimes seeking validation is simply about our lack of love for ourselves. So if you feel like you’re in a cycle of craving validation, taking a little time out to give yourself some self-care is a must.
Instead of seeking validation, consider adding in things like mindfulness meditation and yoga to give yourself time to process your thoughts.
- If you are attached to someone who doesn’t understand your needs and constantly feels invalidated, you need to communicate with them.
If nothing changes, then it may be time for you to consider severing ties with them or taking a little break so that you can work on yourself, and hopefully, they can work on themselves.
How Long Does it Take?
The truth is there is no determining how long it takes to retrain habits that you have built in your life since childhood. These triggers and emotions are present and have been ingrained into your personality via past relationships.
That means that it’s going to take a little while. You’ll need to be patient and do the work to create more firm love for yourself and remove the need for other people to validate you. If we’re honest, those feelings may always be there.
The tools that we’re giving you tools that could help you handle them and manage the feelings. But there will always be a need for validation as that is a human condition.
Exercises that Can Help You
When it comes to dealing with feelings of the constant need for validation, it is going to be some challenging work to rewire your thinking process.
To do that, you may want to begin building habits that counteract that. Some of these exercises that you might include are:
- Mindfulness exercises are always a great addition to your life and can help in a wealth of other areas as well.
- You can begin looking for people that are positive and genuinely good.
- Gratitude journaling or creating goals for yourself can help you build self-confidence and self-love in yourself.
Things You Shouldn’t Do
Just like with anything else, the constant need for validation can be triggered by certain things. So there are some things that we highly suggest you don’t do. Here are a few things:
- Don’t make your goals for life in general or relationships too unrealistic.
- Don’t put the other person on a pedestal.
- Don’t judge yourself too harshly.
Final Thoughts on Why Do You Need Constant Validation in My Relationship
We all seek validation, no matter how mature and balanced we are. If, however, you find yourself constantly seeing your validation, that is something that needs to be addressed.
Often this is because we did not receive validation as a kid and have a lack of self-love. Addressing these issues can turn everything around and help you find your way to a happy and healthy relationship.